Hope vs. False Expectations
What’s the difference between hope and false expectations? How do we know when to hope for the best and when we are deluding ourselves? In each case, we are throwing ourselves open to faith, to things we can’t control or predict. Is there such a thing as healthy and unhealthy hope, and if so, where’s the line?
On the one hand, I’ve often found the expression “no expectations, no disappointments” to be extremely sage advice. How many times have I had my hopes dashed? How many times have I wished for something with all my heart, only to be sorely disappointed when it didn’t come to pass? In many cases, it would have been better if I hadn’t gotten my hopes up.
Yet, at the same time, by hoping and having faith, the most wonderful, improbable things have happened to me in my life. By “putting out there” what I want, I’ve attracted those very things and more than I ever could have imagined.
So, what’s the difference? When is it a good idea to hope and have expectations, and when not? For me, it’s always important to hope. However, I’ve found that the key difference hinges on desire and control. When I cling to desire, yearning endlessly for something or someone with a narrow focus, I am often disappointed. Having such rigid expectations, I become angry or sad when situations or people don’t respond the way I want them to. Sometimes I become upset with the other people or situations; sometimes I turn my anger and disappointment on myself. In these cases, my problem is that, secretly or openly, I desire to control the outcome.
On the other hand, when I hope for something in a more open fashion, not clinging to the outcome, I am often rewarded in surprisingly pleasant ways. I shift away from clutching to my desire to a more open-ended, accepting outlook. When I really want something, I tell myself, “I hope this or something even better comes to pass, but if not, I trust that things are happening the way they’re supposed to.” With this approach, I’m allowing myself to have and express my desires, but I’m remaining open to all of the creativity and possibility of life.
If you’re not sure whether you’re hoping in a healthy way or clinging to false expectations and desires, honestly ask yourself these few questions:
What is it I really want? What are the deeper desires or issues underneath this hope?
Do things have to happen exactly the way I’m imagining them, or am I open to other possibilities?
Is there perhaps something else here that I need or want that I’m not even aware of at this point? Am I open to finding out?
By welcoming all the possibilities that life has to offer, rather than trying to control specific outcomes, you will find yourself feeling disappointed much less frequently. You may even find that you were selling yourself short with your initial desires and expectations and that many greater possibilities for you exist.
It’s OK – in fact, it’s important – to want specific things for ourselves and our lives. But it’s equally important to recognize that we are not all-knowing. Life is much more joyful when we are open to other ways of achieving our desires and to new discoveries.
Faith is a good thing. Hope is a good thing. To want is human. Desire is healthy if we don’t cling to it. It’s our need to control and our habit of clutching to desire that causes our unhappiness.
I HOPE that life brings you all the best, however that may look in your future!
© 2026 by Laurie B. Gardner. All Rights Reserved.